I guess in order for one to realize something isn't quite right, we need a little wake up call.
I had one of those wake up calls this week.... after what I thought was the flu because I was tired, nausea hit, bones aching then finally a fainting spell that made me realize it's time to see the doctor.
I get to the doctor and she asks me
Dr - " Are you doing too much?"
Me - "ummm no"
Dr - " One raised eye brown and a look that could kill"
Me - I chuckle and responds no Dr I'm sitting around drinking coffee and watching Oprah all day"
Dr. - Limor - Oprah has been off the air for a while - I'm on to you!
Me - alright I've got many wonderful things happening but I can't seem to enjoy them because I'm so busy
Dr - Have you thought about asking people for help?
Me -hmmm that would be a good solution eh?
Dr - I'm no expert but I've heard it works - Are you Sleeping well?
( I adore her sarcasm!)
Me - I can't seem to get a restful sleep at night so I wake up every hour or I don't end up falling asleep until 4 am.. and then I'm so tired my stomach is upset so I'm not eating....
Dr - hmmm I wonder why you are feeling this way.... no sleep, not eating well.... Mystery really..
Seems simple doesn't it... why is it that as moms we feel we need to do everything for everyone!! It's like we hired ourselves to solve everyone's problems with no pay!.... but the one person we forget to help and take care of is ourselves.
I have many wonderful things going on in my life and opportunities coming my way I never dreamed of. Almost to a fault I have a big heart.... tears stream down my face as I write this because it truly makes me happy to see others fulfill their dreams in life or even just help someone have a glimmer of hope when they didn't think there was hope...I have a burning feeling in my gut to make a difference for people.
One small problem, I can't actually do it alone... I have a vision I just forgot to share it with others around me so that I can create a team that would help actualize my vision and make it available for others to realize their vision and dreams..... that's how a real difference is made.
Hannah's teacher called me this week and said Hannah was going to receive an award on Friday and it's a surprise. At the time of the call what went through my head is "How do I squeeze that in to my schedule".... all that went through my head is " I have so much to do, I have a trip to get ready for, how long is this thing going to go for, maybe I can watch her get the award and sneak out early"
I love my girls, and I am so proud of them but in that moment I was not present to anything except myself and what I needed to get done.
The rock that hit me square between the eyes is when we were standing in the gymnasium and all the kids started to walk in... Hannah saw me standing there and her face lit up like a Christmas tree! Tears instantly rolled down my face realizing I've been given these amazing gifts called "Children" and I was taking moments like these for granted. The ugly cry started once all the children stood up and started singing "Oh Canada", Ava standing beside me with her hands on her side and singing along with all the other children. The sound of children singing was the most beautiful sound... I stood there being so present to the smiles, the energy, the unity that was going on in that moment and I realized I have had hundreds of these opportunities to experience beauty like this but I have not been present to them.
My initial thought was that's it! after this Australia tour I will quit teaching and just stay home with my girls.... then sanity came back and I realized that I could continue to fulfill my dreams I just needed to ask for help ( I give credit to my doctor for bringing that up).
You know the saying " it takes a Village to raise a child"..... I kind of forgot about my village.....it's like I've been living in a secluded island and no one was invited.
It's time to share my vision, to create a team of people around me that can share this exciting with me, to allow contribution from others in to my life.
I chose to share this because as part of my vision to help others is to share myself freely so others are free to share themselves with others around them. We live in a society that does not make it easy to share due to judgements and assessments from others. As women we need to be there to support each other, create an environment for our children to grow up experiencing full self expression, love and compassion for others..
I truly hope this post made a difference for some of you.... I would love to hear your story.